FINDING CERTAINTY IN THE UNCERTAINTY

If you would have told me a month ago that I would be unemployed and having endless amounts of free time to spend with my daughter and read, meditate, organize, cook, take online classes and focus on my well-being, I would have thought it was a dream. For I had wished for so long to have an escape from my reality - my 8-5 job as a medical speech therapist in a hospital where although I was helping my patients, my soul knew I belonged elsewhere. For years I felt imprisoned in a life that wasn’t mine. I made a promise to myself to live a life without regrets - as I see how fleeting life is everyday. I have witnessed people and animals take their last breaths of life and have observed how there is no sense out of who lives and who dies. For in my experience, some of the most amazing humans are the ones whose lives end too soon.

I didn’t realize how much my job took an emotional and psychological toll on me until the universe decided to pull me out - or Coronavirus/COVID-19 decided I had enough. I always intuitively knew that I belonged somewhere else, but that my purpose for staying at my job was larger than myself. My final few months at the hospital showed me my ultimate purpose for why I needed to stay. It took time, but I had finally established and grown a stroke support group that I had envisioned three years prior, and just before March I had approached my Director about implementing a reiki protocol so that patients could receive alternative healing practices to supplement traditional therapy, and I was given the go-ahead to create a proposal. 

These two accomplishments were exciting to me, and despite the difficult and intense work environment, I began to see hope in my path.  I secretly knew I may never have the courage to leave the stability of that job - I tried once and financial  hardship pulled me back. My dream was to devote my time and energy to growing my private reiki practice. I had launched my reiki business, Soul Advocate, in the late summer of 2019, and I was slowly putting myself out there and seeing clients privately in my home. I knew in order to really make my business something that could sustain me financially, I would have to devote much more time and energy into its growth - two commodities I lacked due to my full-time hospital job and my second full- time job as a single mom.

No mater how much I manifested, journaled, believed in it, I felt trapped. And then I was confronted with the reality that due to Corona - my daughter would be off school for most likely the remainder of the school year, and in order to take care of her I would need to “abandon,” my hospital job. Here was the opening I had been dreaming of - and despite the uncertainty of not having a pay check, and the reality of needing to pay bills, I accepted this fate with gratitude. I have relished the last two weeks off being able to spend quality time with my daughter, taking care of my body and mind through daily yoga, practicing kundalini, listening to meditation classes, virtually attending sound baths and breath work sessions and diving into more Kabbalah teachings, reading books that have sat on my book shelf for years, talking to friends I normally would not have time to connect with, and getting out in nature every day while the sun was still out. 

Of course, there are times when doubt and fear start to creep in, and I wonder if I’ll be able to keep my house or car or provide for my daughter. And when that feeling arises in my gut, I take a breath and realize I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

I would love for you to get to know a little more about me, and if you are interested in reiki services please visit my website at allisonmepstein.com